Wow! I knew leaving would be hard but the reality of it so much more than that. After living in Las Vegas for ten years, and not just attending but working at the same church for almost as long I have begun deleting myself.
My mom and dad have been gone for many years, my grandmother passed away earlier this year, and my church family has been vital to my growth and really so much of who I am today. And now I've begun deleting myself. When you leave a church family it's hard. They're not just my church but they truly are family. Leaving is hard in any circumstance but when you work there I think it's even more difficult. I have to train my replacement to take all that I've done and make it her own and feel the free to change what I've created. I have to delete myself from systems, take my name off the website, out of the database, and I don't even have a mailbox any longer.
When I go into my home much of my furniture has already been taken to Mexico so I walk into a house filled with less furniture and more boxes. We're eating off of paper plates so I could pack our dishes.
When I see friends I hear about how much they're going to miss me - which is awesome. I'm so glad they're going to miss me and not just write me out of their lives but it's still painful to hear because I'll miss them too.
And then there's the in between, I'm not gone yet and I also haven't yet arrived. I'm in limbo. I'm not longer here but not in Mexico either.
Leaving is hard.
So what is left? Remembering all of the amazing memories I've created over the past ten years. Treasuring every moment and every sweet goodbye. And also, looking forward to the lives I'll invest in when I arrive in Mexico. Looking forward to reaching girls that have to enter the world and aren't quite sure how to do that. Looking forward to snuggles from little arms that used to be homeless but that now warm my heart as they have a warm bed to sleep in. Looking forward to reaching out to the kids - yes the children that you'll find in the red light district and praying for their escape.
Yes, the in between is where I am now. Looking back as well as looking forward. It's a difficult place to be but it's a place I will cherish.
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